Promote That Man!

Posted this on Facebook sometime last week - has apparently become topical again.

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Sorry to do this, but I just can't comprehend -

suppozing u were a big and respectd company with a global prescence that did busines with an variety array of international heavywaits on a daly basis. suppose for a minit more that ur online comittments and obligashions demanded a siknifigant amnt of ur time and that ur vizibality on the nashional, if not world. stage was at the hiest level. do you think that u wood want to have ppl wroking 4 u that had no idea wat the HELL they were doing when it came to writing a proper email's? i cant get over it/ the emails that i see come acrosss my screen rootinely look something like the one that its' killing me to right write now. evry single bone in my body is screaming to fix the mistakes that i'm making on PURPOSE. so please, 4 all u out ther that hurt mine eyes remeber, as long as you follow this simple rules, you are sertain to go far in the world of modern businiss.

- Never use spell check. Never. It wastes precious time that you could use playing solitaire.
- Put an apostrophe SOMEWHERE on every plural word. If you have no idea where they go, it's the safest way to make sure that you don't look like a moron.
- Use homophones wherever possible. It shows off your giant, and flexible, vocabulary.
- Punctuation is for the weak - abolish it.
- Capitalization is fun! Any of the following are excellent eye-catchers: CAPS LOCK. Capitals On The First Letter Of Every Word (looks smartest!). Capitals on every letter EXCEPT for proper nouns (thanks, Kem!). no capitals at all, not even on 'i'. ZiGGY STyLE! WHERE oNLy THe VoWeLS aRe SMaLL (used to convey a playful, easygoing demeanour).
- dontuseanyspacesorpunctuationwhatsoever.
- Format your email - use colours, bold, italics, different sizes, different fonts. As many as you can jam in there! People LOVE that!
- Write the entire text of you email in the 'Subject:' line.

You get my point.

Special thanks go out to: Rob Petryszyn, Kem Ramnarine, Sean Joseph, Doug Desnoyers, Connie Fitzgerald, Tom McVean, Paul Lavigne, Valerie Pudden, John MacDonald, and Mike Dicks.

(Pray to Christ I didn't make any mistakes in this note..)

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